Get Milked - Blog, Comics, Toons

This is indeed very exciting! We've finally received another transmission from Penguin (see 3/18/2005 below for details). Though he's been incommunicado for over 10 days, we're hoping that during the lag he managed to make some headway on the meaning of life. We're pretty sure he sent this particular image for a reason, so let's take a closer look at it. The sign appears to say "[something or other] Welcomes you to Roodhouse" So he's reached Roodhouse! Well, that's exciting... wait... didn't the sign from before say he was 3 miles (kilometers) from Roodhouse? Is this the same city? It took him 13 days to go 3 miles?!?! What's he doing out there!?!? I can walk 3 miles in an hour! And he has the traversal capsule! It flies! What's the deal, folks?!?

Ok, I guess we just have to have faith that Penguin knows what he's doing. We hired him based on a rigorous interview process and physical stamina trial. He was the best. Ok. The next transmission will probably reveal why he's in Roodhouse. Let's give him a chance.

Did he send a message this time? Uhhh... it appears not. Oh well, what can you do?

Here's another random conversation I overheard while dining in one of those places that serve plastic food. A woman, with eyes wide as some planetary moons and a smile permanently plastered on her face (and laugh lines like WWI trenches), had this to say:

"I love being married. Really I do. I absolutely love it. Of course some days I want to drop kick him out the door forever. But no, I love it, I really do."

The sweetness of love. Ah! Do you feel the cool breeze?

Have you experienced the wonder of the FABULOUS MYSTERY BUTTONS!??! The hedgehogs are waiting...

Toaster waffles never retain heat. After a solid scorching minute in the toaster they emerge barely toasted with cold spots speckled throughout. To compensate for the lukewarm nature of the waffles, the syrup has to be heated like the core of a nuclear reactor. Pouring this scalding sludge over lukewarm waffles conjures up images of medievals pouring boiling oil on invading enemies. The syrup bottle gets so hot it sometimes changes shape. Suddenly glassblower skills come in handy as the bottle slowly droops. Once the syrup gets slathed onto the cold waffle pucks, it's far too hot to eat. Meanwhile the waffles continue to cool in their centers. When the syrup finally reaches an edible temperature the waffles themselves have cooled to somewhere near 2 Kelvin. Taking a bite of this concoction equates to taking a bite of a fresh magma dumpling filled with dry ice. I think there's a lesson in this for all of us.

No matter who you are, on average, 8 out of 10 people who pass you on the street will find you unattractive.

Get Milked has sent a penguin out on the road to find the meaning of life. And we think he'll do it! This picture was the last transmission we received from his traversal capsule. We'll continue to post updates when transmissions are received along with special messages from penguin himself! It is strange that he didn't send one this time, though. Hm.

We're not sure exactly where penguin is, but using our special "zoom" technology we can hone in on the road sign.

Apparently he's 3 miles (kilometers?) from "Roodhouse". Does anyone know where that is? Well, we're sure penguin is doing the right thing. He has a degree and he's read a lot of books. So we'll just have to wait and see what the future brings! Stay tuned!

I never intended on finishing it, but it was going to be about a dog named Slappy Pants who comes to think that his excrement is valuable. How does he come to think this? Because every time he defecates a human picks up his droppings and puts them in a "special bag". So he tries to defecate more and more, but he notices that the human becomes more and more angry. Finally, in a desperate attempt, the dog lays a huge pile right on his owner's 5-digit rug. Then he waits expectantly for his owner's magnaminous approbation. The owner becomes so infuriated that the dog gets kicked out of the house. It's a tragedy, see?

Unfortunately, all we have are mirrors that reflect our physical qualities; if we had mirrors that allowed us to view our mental or cognitive qualities the world might become a better place.

Just stop and listen in to a random conversation. It will almost always be funny. Here's an example of a conversation I overheard recently:

A: "Hey! Did you hear that they found a cure for alzheimer's?"

B: "No! That's wonderful! What is it?"

A: "Shopping. It keeps the brain active. Really, it's true. I read it somewhere."

B: "Wow!"

See?

"Time is money" - a maxim of friendship.

This may be one of the best jokes ever cogitated. I'm sure you'll agree.

Two microscopic people, Merf and Lerf, decided that they needed nourishment, so they broke into someone's kitchen and found a loaf of bread. It took them a while to climb the counters, but finally, short of breath, they reached the huge loaf. They tore at the outside and finally penetrated the soft bread and munched and munched. After a while they tunneled into the huge loaf, eating and eating. Suddenly, Merf chomped on Lerf's arm, mistaking it for a moist piece of bread. Merf's hungry teeth broke through Lerf's skin, and Lerf began to bleed. "Ow!" Lerf yelled, "why did you do that? You know I'm a hemophiliac!"

"What do you mean? No you're not!" Merf said.

"Of course I am!! You are too!!" Lerf cried out, "you know that we're in bread!!!"

People don't care about themselves: just look at what they eat!

To own a great number of books one has not read is like having a great number of friends one has not met.